CANDYLAND!
by watagashi
Summary: Boys playin' Candyland...and doing some other, not-so-innocent things. O. Yaoi! Pairings: RB MM YY KJ
1. Foreplay

CANDYLAND!!!!  
  
"But, Bakura! I wanna play!!" Ryou complained. He tugged on the back of Bakura's jacket. "Please, can't I play?"  
  
"Go play by your yourself," Bakura said in an annoyed tone. "I'm busy at the moment!"  
  
Ryou stuck out his tongue. "You're just taking over the souls of the United Nations leaders. Besides, you can't play Candyland by yourself."  
  
"Then invite some friends over," Bakura told him. Then his eyes widened greedily. "In fact, why don't you invite MALIK over? He's good at, um...games!"  
  
Ryou gave him a strange look, then shrugged. "Okay. We can invite Yugi and Jonouchi, too!"  
  
Bakura sighed and rolled his eyes. "What is the rule about inviting Jonouchi?" he asked. Ryou sighed dejectedly.  
  
"Only if you invite Kaiba to keep him under control," he recited. Bakura grunted his approval and turned back to work.  
  
Ryou pouted at his back before turning to the phone book. When Bakura had been angry this morning (because the supposedly pulp-free orange juice actually did have pulp in it) he had killed the address book, therefore forcing Ryou to look up the numbers all by himself. He opened the book and took a long look at the page. Then he frowned, and a little tear appeared at his eye. "Bakura?" he whined. "Who's Duo Maxwell?!"  
  
Bakura rolled his eyes. "Gimme," he said, taking the phone book. "He's from another series. You look at the top of the page here and then you turn to the letters you need. See? Here's Mutou. That's Yugi's last name. And here is Sugoroku Mutou. That's Yugi's old geezer. You can call him there, at that number."  
  
"Cool!" Ryou said. "I can use a phone book!"  
  
Bakura sighed and patted his head. "You certainly can. Now I have to get back to work." He turned and went back to his little work station and tried taking over free minds again. Shortly after he was interrupted again.  
  
"Bakura?" Ryou called. "What comes before K?"  
  
*half an hour later*  
  
"Yay! Everybody's here!" Ryou cried joyfully. Bakura looked at Marik and Yami with resentment.  
  
"Don't look at me like that! I don't wanna be here either!" Yami said defensively. "Damn police officer said Yugi was too young to drive!"  
  
"He's right, you know," Yugi pointed out.  
  
"Shut up!" Yami said. "If you were tall enough to see over the dashboard, you wouldn't have wound up in Mexico!"  
  
Bakura tried to remain calm. "Well, now that you're here, you might as well stay," he said as calmly as he could.  
  
Ryou smiled at the guests. "Would you like some cookies? Bakura made them all by himself!" There was a small stampede to the kitchen as everyone admired Bakura's cookies.  
  
"Oh.my.God." Jonouchi whispered in awe.  
  
"Sweet Re," Malik said.  
  
Festively arranged and neatly plastic wrapped was a small pile of cookies shaped like bunnies. They were stained glass cookies carefully shaped and expertly color coordinated for maximum cuteness. Every one averted their eyes, except for Yami, who kept staring from Bakura to the cookies.  
  
"For Re's sake, Pharaoh, look away," Marik whispered.  
  
"I can't help it.it's so beautiful."  
  
Bakura screamed at them and punched a hole in the wall before he dashed, crying into the bedroom. "No, Bakura, wait!!" Ryou cried, running after him. "They didn't mean it!! They're manly cookies, MANLY cookies!!"  
  
Half an hour later, when Bakura had controlled himself (and changed his tampon. Just kidding!), the eight of them sat around the Candyland board. "Okay, since there are so many of us, we should make four teams."  
  
"I wanna be on Bakura's team!" Marik said suddenly.  
  
"NO!" Bakura shouted, grabbing Ryou possessively around the waist. Kaiba rolled his eyes.  
  
"Whatever, just as long as you don't pair me with Yugi or the puppy dog," he said. Jonouchi pouted and mumbled something about puppy dogs and a very uncomfortable ass.  
  
"Okay, how about we have the Yamis with their Hikaris, since it's easier," Yugi suggested. Yami shot him a very provocative look.  
  
"No!" Kaiba yelled. "I will not be with the puppy dog! You can't make me!"  
  
"Yes we can!" Bakura and Yami said at the same time. Kaiba growled, but he thought Shadow Realm Candyland would be a little too fun for his taste, so he kept his mouth shut.  
  
"Looks like you're with me after all, Mr. Tight-ass!" Jonouchi said happily.  
  
"Very tight, this ass," Yami said, poking it. Kaiba yelped and jumped up out of his seat.  
  
"Will everyone please calm down?" Malik said. "If we can't play Candyland like civilized adults, I don't know what the world's coming to."  
  
"My domination!" Marik yelled. "Yes, I shall be the ruler of-"  
  
"Yes, yes, of course you will, dear," Malik said with a sigh.  
  
"Can we play now?" Ryou whined.  
  
"SHUT UP!!" Everyone yelled.  
  
"Oh, great, now you've made Yugi cry!" 


	2. Heavy Foreplay

Disclaimer: ki-dokie, if ya wanna read me that bad, here I am!! And I own nothing!! (duh. It's FAN FICTION after all)  
  
"Okay," said Marik, regaining control over the situation. "Now, we all know what teams we are on. Our team gets the red piece."  
  
"No!" Ryou said immediately. "I want the red piece! Bakura, can't I have the red piece? I want the red piece!"  
  
"Hey, hey! We can solve this! Just give me the red piece, and you'll both be happy!" Jonouchi reasoned. Kaiba bopped him on the head.  
  
"No, you stupid puppy. We shall have the green piece," he said as his eyes glazed over. "Yes. Green is the color of wealth and money. Green is the color of success! With this color gingerbread-man shaped playing piece, I shall topple empires while rising my own kingdom supreme!! I shall dominate all life and riches!! Mwahahahahahahahahaha!!" The others pretended not to notice as he tackled Jonouchi in his orgasm of greed.  
  
"Ryou and Bakura should have the red piece, since the game belongs to them," Yami said slowly and clearly. "And WE'LL take the green piece."  
  
"Damn you and your irresistible fairness," Malik pouted. "We'll take the blue piece then. I don't wanna get stuck with crummy old yellow. Yellow's a sissy color, right, Marik?"  
  
"Shut up!" Marik said as he pulled down his shirt to conceal the yellow My Little Pony boxers he was wearing. Jonouchi pushed Kaiba off of him and panted for air.  
  
"No...yellow...is not...my color..." he said. "We...will take blue."  
  
Malik glared at him. "Why you..."  
  
"No!" Bakura said. He had just run out of Advil. "No fighting! Malik, take the damn yellow. We're gonna finish this game if my life depends on it!!" He started to hyperventilate. Everybody scooted away a little, except for Ryou, who was pinned in Bakura's lap.  
  
"It's okay, Bakura," Yugi said. "Remember, it's better to let it out than to bottle it in." Bakura's eyes popped out of his head as his face turned bright red. He then turned Ryou around and frenched him good.  
  
"All better," he said cheerfully.  
  
Ryou preferred to stay silent.  
  
"Hey!" said Malik. "This is supposed to be Candyland, isn't it?"  
  
"Yes," said Yami.  
  
"Then why isn't there any candy, huh?" Everyone stared at him. "You know!! When you lick the board, it still tastes like paper! There should be some CANDY involved!!"  
  
"But what kind of candy?" Ryou asked.  
  
"Well, it says here CANDYSTICK FOREST," said Yami. "And these are the ICE CREAM FLOATS."  
  
"GINGERBREAD PALACE," Jonouchi said. "MOLASSAS SWAMP."  
  
"And GUMDROP...THINGY," Yugi added.  
  
"Can't you read?" Bakura asked.  
  
"Hey! There was a guy sitting in front of me a whole five feet tall!!" Yugi said defensively. "I couldn't see a thing!"  
  
"Well, it is hard to see when you're SLEEPING," Yami teased.  
  
"Where did Ryou go?" Malik asked suddenly.  
  
They all turned around as a mountain of candy walked out of the kitchen. "I think I got everything," Ryou said from behind the pile. Sadly, he couldn't see where he was going and tripped over Kaiba. Ice cream, peppermint, gumdrops, molasses, and all kinds of sweets flew everywhere. Ryou pushed his now multi-colored hair out of his face as a tear ran down his candy-coated cheek.  
  
"Don't worry, Ryou," Bakura said, pulling the gumdrop out of his nose. "At least there's candy on the board now. You did a good job on that!" Ryou sniffed and tried to smile as the others tried to get the important areas (eyes, mouth, groin, ect.) free of sugary substances.  
  
"Okay," said Marik. "Now we have to see the board, so we'll clean off the squares. Does that bother anybody? Do we have to take a vote? Huh? Huh?! HUH?!" Everyone was very quiet.  
  
"But-"  
  
"THAT'S IT!!" Marik shrieked. He grabbed the closest thing to his Millenium rod (a pencil, you perv!) and blasted them all with a very whipped crème-like substance. The next thing anyone knew, they were all standing in the Shadow Realm, before a giant purple square.  
  
"What the hell?" Kaiba asked, astonished. "My deck!"  
  
"We have a bit of a more serious situation on our hands, Kaiba," Yami said smartly. "All we can see is this giant purple square!" Suddenly, he looked at one of Bakura's cookies as it fell from his head. He then stared from the cookie to Bakura as everyone else averted their eyes.  
  
"For Re's sake, Pharaoh, look away," Malik hissed.  
  
"But...but...wheeeeeee..." Yami said. Bakura screamed something intelligible and did the "I hate your guts" dance on the fallen cookie. And it was sad.  
  
Jonouchi looked at Kaiba's deck. "Kaiba's right, though. There's just a big blue square in the middle of his card."  
  
"Well, there's only two things for us to do," Marik said matter-of-factly. "Either stand here and screw like wild bunnies, or walk forward until we find out where we are."  
  
Malik shrugged. "I'm kinda tired. Let's walk forward."  
  
And so, our brave explorers, and Bakura, Ryou, Malik, Marik, Kaiba, Jonouchi, Yami, and Yugi, walked on the find the end of the purple square!! To be continued!! 


End file.
